I have decided to forgive him. I reached this conclusion after continuously fighting a 23-month long battle, alone.
Whatever I had to go through before filing the case, I wish nobody else would have to go through the same process, and that was my only intention. Had I not been vocal about this injustice, he could have used his power and done the same to another girl as well. I found the courage to stand up. I fought till I could realize I’m alive.
If anyone goes through even 10 percent of what I went through, it is already much more than hell.
I have now decided to live my own life. They murdered my happiness a billion times but I now forgive them: Let them live.
I have taken this decision considering my mental health. I don’t feel like I have to live on everyone’s part. I heard there were people for me too, but there was no one specifically for me. I fought my battle alone. In the end, you are the only one who is there for you.
I did not register the case under pressure from anyone. What he did to me was wrong. So I registered a case. But when I stayed in Maiti Nepal, I saw the darkest days of my life. By the time I got out of there, I had already forgotten to live.
The walls of the room I stayed still have the words “I want to live” which I wrote. This doesn’t mean I filed the case under pressure from anyone. He committed a mistake, which he has already accepted.
I have been consulting a psychiatrist since this incident. It has helped me, to some extent.
Now, I have decided to move to a new world. Where I don’t have to hide my face so that no one will recognize me. I am moving to a place where I do not have to live a difficult life by hiding my identity. Now I will live with my own name.
I am restarting my life. As I decide to get rid of this matter and leave, it would be less difficult to deal with the mental war that I go through. Though my life will not be at ease till I live, I will keep trying to make it at ease to the best of my abilities.
I do not know where my life is heading towards. I am already tired of hearing every week and month. I am tired of the fear of going for a hearing, and the trauma I have to go through after the hearing. I have already forgotten the last time I laughed.
I decided to stop as I felt the battle would not end till the rest of my life. People fight back to survive. What kind of battle will this be if it kills me every single day?
Even now, they will use all their might—power, position, money, deceit—and everything possible to prove him ‘not guilty’. I can not survive tolerating all these gang rape, acid attack threats every single day.
I have nothing to lose now.
Neither I wish to ruin anyone’s life, nor I have the right to do so. I had filed the case so that a punishment would be given for the crime.
Now I want to live, so I stepped back. Whatever I have been through, I wish nobody has to go through this pain and suffering. I wish no girls should escape from their own society to live freely.
Now I am escaping from this society because I am already tired. I am leaving Nepal.
Based on a conversation with Anshu Khanal.
{Gaushala-26 on July 26 filed a petition in the High Public Prosecutor’s Office Patan, requesting not to appeal to the Supreme Court against Patan High Court’s decision to acquit cricketer Sandeep Lamichhane on rape charge.}
Comment