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It is okay to ask about suicide

When suicidal thoughts are casually attributed to statements like "not being strong enough," "not having enough will," or "just seeking attention," the guilt and shame experienced can increase exponentially.

A counsellor at the Suicide Prevention Helpline Center responding to a call (Photo credit: WHO Nepal)

“Are you having suicidal thoughts?” – a not-so-controversial question charged with fear and hesitation. Many worry that asking this question would trigger more pain or even increase the risk of someone taking their life. But are we really fueling suicidal thoughts, or are we creating a space for seemingly terrified individuals to voice their worries?

Many are unaware of the complex emotional struggle that comes with having suicidal thoughts. As if dealing with them wasn’t hard enough, many people carry immense guilt and shame for even having such thoughts. 

The stigma surrounding suicidal thoughts only makes it harder to overcome these existing feelings. When suicidal thoughts are casually attributed to statements like “not being strong enough,” “not having enough will,” or “just seeking attention,” the guilt and shame experienced can increase exponentially. As a result, the person may shut down, stay silent, and the words go unspoken. While the effects may take time to reverse on a larger scale, we can work on alleviating some of the guilt and shame on an individual level, especially for those around us.

We can create a space where people, free from guilt and shame, feel comfortable discussing their suicidal thoughts. How do we start, and how does it work? Perhaps with that very question: “Are you having suicidal thoughts?” We all understand how unusual it might be to ask this question to just anyone. However, if we notice someone showing warning signs, such as withdrawal from social interactions, sudden changes in behavior, frequent indulgence in substances or alcohol, or making concerning statements like, “Would anyone even remember me if I was gone?”, it may be appropriate to ask this question.

Although straightforward and seemingly out of the blue, this simple question can be helpful in many ways. It is better to assume that people struggling with suicidal thoughts are seeking a space to open up rather than risk not providing one. We can never be too careful when it comes to these thoughts. Asking the question offers an important opportunity for individuals to share. Furthermore, these questions can normalize discussions about suicide and suicidal thoughts, increasing the chances that people will open up and seek the help they need.

Now, listening, more than telling individuals what they must or must not do would be the best course of action. Statements like “I am here to listen to you” or “I am available whenever it gets difficult” could help provide a sense of support. If we are able to inquire and ensure the presence of an individual who can immediately be around them, higher chances of safety are ensured.

Finally, we must acknowledge the limitation to which we are able to help someone struggling with suicidal thoughts. In some instances, talking about suicidal thoughts could leave individuals vulnerable. In these instances, it’s crucial to guide them towards professional support. It is better to equip ourselves with emergency contact numbers and ensure that they seek professional help with psychologists or therapists. You might not be able to provide complete help, however, your question could help save someone’s life.

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), suicide is a major public health challenge, with more than 700 000 deaths each year globally. Each suicide has far-reaching social, emotional, and economic consequences, and deeply affects individuals and communities worldwide. According to Nepal Police, over 7,000 people committed suicide in Nepal in last fiscal year. This means that nearly 20 people are committing suicide in Nepal every day with huge socio-economic consequences to their family and friends. In order to prevent suicide, we must speak up. Let us begin this by simply saying- it’s ok to ask about suicide. 

The author is a mental health professional affiliated to Happy Minds (www.happyminds.health)

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please seek help from:
Nepal Mental Hospital suicide hotline:
1166
TUTH suicide prevention hotline: 9840021600
Patan Hospital crisis helpline for suicide prevention: 9813476123
The Transcultural Psychosocial Organisation: 16600102005